| lala the light is at the end of the tunnel |
[21 Oct 2004|07:13pm] |
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Well, I have a new livejournal name. shot___down. Its a friends only livejournal but most of you are already on the list thing so no worries. welp, its time to start over new. Peace kidz meet you on the other side.
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| IMAGINE everything |
[18 Oct 2004|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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love line |
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People need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT!! holy fuckin crap. My Mom is so fuckin stupid I cant even take it. I talked to her today and she was all like "Natalie if i find out that this school has been a bad influence I will take you out of there so fast..." I was just like "What are you talkin about?" and she goes "I dont know Natalie... I just dont know..." and she started to cry. She got freaked out because I said that I wanted to dress as a rave person for halloween. WHAT THE HELL... it was an IDEA first of all, because I need a cheap costume... she fuckin FREAKED out because of that now she thinks that I do drugs. THat is so fucked up I can't even believe it. AGH! to top it all off they blamed some of my friends, so i had to spend half the night sticking up for them. That was a horrible position to be put into... besides that fact that my friends are good people. I can't even fuckin believe her.
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| im finding my way through the dark |
[15 Oct 2004|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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*sigh* its like someone hit me in the back of the head and laughed. I was happy with my plans and then they laughed... so I dont know anymore. ACTUALLY I do because I still am gonna do my plan but in their eyes I know they think I'm stupid and you know... I feel really fuckin stupid. Actually this is the first time I have cried in a long time. It sucks... cause its crying for a reason and its because Im at a loss... WHY CAN'T I JUST BE ME... AAAAAAGH.
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| drop to the floor |
[15 Oct 2004|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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Crazy. I want $$$ so I can buy whatever I want. I would be looking for a job but I dont think I should do that until I get back from Mexico. My Mom said she would buy my halloween stuff this year... SWEEEEEEEEEEETness. Thats what its all about. Today was good. Really nice. Went to the mall and found things that I wanted. If i got EVERYTHING I wanted for my costume it would be like $210... haha, scary thing is I would wear most of it again anyway. But I'm not gonna get everything that I wanted. I need $45 in like 2 weeks. I need a plan so I can get all of that...My plan... I need a suga' daddy. HAHA. I'm in a good mood. Good moods put me into better moods... but would make me EVEN happier is if I wasn't home tonight. If I was out partying with hott boyz and good friends.
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| Nothin like you and I |
[13 Oct 2004|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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 i have no feeling |
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music |
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Sade- Ordinary love |
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Today was good... no it wasnt. Today was the PSAT. I remember looking up during the math section and mouthing "what the fuck?!" It was like a foreign language. Well not all but one or two of the questions. If I felt I had more time to think about the question maybe I would have gotten it but I doubt it. The rest of the day was kind of a waste of time, no not kind of it WAS a waste of time.
People on the bus need to take whatever is stuck up their ass and eat it cause they are just way too uptight. There was a lady on the bus who had a wheel chair which meant that half of us had to stand (me included) and they kept complaining and whatnot. I was mad at them for bein so fuckin stuck up and whatever... I got to stand by a HOTT guy though. It made me happy, we were standing right next to each other and he was realllllllly tall. He kind looked like he was italian or something. He was really quiet. So yea, then i got off the bus and it was beautiful, the sun was shining, the leaves were everywhere, and for a brief minute i was like "today was a good day" and then I realized, it really wasn't all that great.
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| do it do it just DO IT |
[11 Oct 2004|09:21pm] |
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Have we ever had sex?
33. Do you miss me?
34. Do you think i miss you?
35. What do you think I would be best at in bed?
36. Have you ever envisioned me without clothes on?
37. Why are these called blogs?
38. Have you ever put me in your spank bank?
39. Are you going to put this on your MYSPACE and see what I say about you?
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| im drifting away |
[10 Oct 2004|09:21pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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mazzy star- fade into you |
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uneventful. stupid wasted time. im gonna leave if she grounds me again. she makes me angry. she is forcing me to go to church. she grounds me for stupid ass shit. she makes one more fucked up rule im gonna leave. I want to drift away. Like a smoke cloud billowing out into the air. Im anxiouse for life to move on. Pick up its pace, give me something worthwhile. Im fading.
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| the vision planted in my brain still remains |
[08 Oct 2004|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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music |
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Simon & Garfunkle- the boxer |
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Agh. Candy is evil shit. It looks good...and you know it will most likely taste good but when it comes down to it... its evil. I had a twix and now my stomache is killin me. AAAAAAAAAAGH. So yea I got $5 dollars today IM RICH MWUAHAHAHA. yea anyways... itll be gone by the end of today. Oh god I think Im dieing... my stomach is trying to escape from my body... soon I will be re-enacting a scene from alien. HELP ME!
I think this weekend will be interesting. Tomorrow should be fun... you know hanging around the house all FUCKING DAY BECAUSE MY MOM IS A BITCH. You know what makes me sad? I have a really pritty formal dress hanging in my closet ... I wanna wear it!
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[07 Oct 2004|05:39pm] |
A is for--Age: 16
B is for--Boyfriend/Girlfriend: left behind
C is for--Career in the future: pro surfer, techy, cinematographer, dancer, groupie
D is for--Dead person you would like to meet: hmm... I say... hell I can't think of who it would be
E is for--Essential item: underwear
F is for--Favorite song at the moment: Duran Duran- Ordinary world
G is for--Guy/Girls you've kissed: excluding anything before age 14:5 boys
H is for--Hair color: brown
I is for--Instrument you play: Its a secret
J is for--Job title: Student
K is for--Kids you'd like to have: System malfunction~ me no comprehende
L is for--Living places: whereever I am
M is for--Memory of the day:Having my epiphany in math class
N is for--Number of people you've slept with: such a difficult question
O is for--Overnight hospital stays: never
P is for--Phobias: my throat being touched... I will tweak out and swear at you for like an hour
Q is for--Quote you like: "you ARE home"
R is for--Relationship that lasted the longest:6 months
S is for--Sexuality: straight with moments of bending.
T is for--Time you wake up everyday: i dont wake up at the same time everyday... only freaks do tha
U is for--Unique trait: The one that...
V is for--Vegetable you love: I dont love vegetables
W is for--Worst habit: YOU
X is for--X-rays you've had: why the fuck would I keep track of something like that? ok iv only had a few
Y is for--Yummy food you make: GRILLED CHEESE
Z is for--Zodiac sign: your ass is grass and Im gonna smoke it
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| I seek out the poor... to make the poor poorer. |
[07 Oct 2004|04:50pm] |
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music |
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filter- do you wanna take my picture |
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Well, life is interesting. It seems like I'm stuck in some sort of time thing. Almost like a different time zone but not. It's hard to explain. Today in math class I had a daydream/epiphany. It was beautiful and amazing and I hope this high that i have from it lasts for a long time. You know what I'm talking about, the happiness you get from realizing something truely great and you feel almost invincible. For some reason everything is different. I think this thing that I feel will go away if I dont do anything for a long period of time, like working at the hosp. this weekend. Yea I don't really like working there its boring. Once my 6 months are up I'm going to quit. I really dont do anything and it sucks. Whoa, thats all just whoaaaa. Ok yea... peace kids, my weekend is gonna suck, I hate being grounded!!
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| Ill shed my skin for you |
[06 Oct 2004|04:43pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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Metric- Combat Baby |
] |
Today wasn't too bad. I was sitting in Humanities and the shades on the windows were open and I looked out and saw a beautiful blue sky with clouds I can honestly say I had some enternal (sp?) happiness going on. It was strange. I talked to a really cool soph. today. So thats cool. I have also looked over my past entries and realized how pointless they were.
I saw pple that i knew today that dont go to my school. Like alfred and brad and tons of stadium people. It was crazy. CRAZY.
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| dont hold me back |
[05 Oct 2004|07:38pm] |
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People are hard to understand. Yet at the same time its a little too easy. We just dont want to believe what we already know. If you were to just stop yelling and listen and think about the people around you I think a lot of people would come to a better understanding of each other. Like the old saying of putting yourself in someone else's shoes... imagine how other people feel.
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| I tried... help the wicked |
[05 Oct 2004|04:37pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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thunderclap newman- something in the air |
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today was frustrating. Mostly towards Brea... even though I love her. I feel like Im going to collapse. My parents are being too controlling... Ugh, Im not gonna bitch about that on here though, I think I already do that enough.
My mouth has a really gross taste right now because I burned my tongue today at lunch. Grr. I hope tomorrow I can get enough $$ to buy coffee and poppers. I would die if that happened. I have so much to do. I dont like skipping school anymore I get so far behind and thats not good.
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| Hey ya Hey |
[04 Oct 2004|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Chris Isaac- Wicked Games |
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I hate chemistry. I just dont like it. I am convinced I wont slack off in this class though. I really dont want to repeat it. I just did the lab write up that was due last week? so I most likely am getting an F on top of the F for just sucking at writing that which will be added to the F I have in the class which brings me down to an ... H? something like that... Im beyond failing that class right now.
This weekend was fun. I wish my parents left for the weekend more often because... I like being on my own. As do most people I can imagine. Well whatever... Its killing me that my Dad doesnt want me to get a job. I NEED MORE $$$ I WANT A FUCKING JOB. It will give me something CONSTRUCTIVE to do with my time.
Im going to Mexico in January. Im a little bit scared. Im just glad Im not going alone.
Doing homework bores me EXTREMELY. I can't do it. I dont think its possible.
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| No, I dont care if your stupid. |
[02 Oct 2004|10:06am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Depeche Mode- Policy of Truth |
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Wow yesterday was pretty cool. Went to school and mentor groups went to the Greek Festival and had some greek food. I would try to say what it is but I will totally butcher the name. Then headed to lunch with Brea who told me a fasinating story about how slutty she is *wink* *P.s. I hope everything works out for her in that area.* Then we went to studio and I was in Ms. Shepards foreign film studio where we watched a german silent film called the Cabinet of Dr. Calgari. Or somethin like that. It was so cool. Tim Burton totally used that as his muse for many of his movies. Then went home with Caty. Headed over to... Davids house... and there were lots of funny people there. Watched Red vs. Blue that was entertaining. I liked it. Left then came back and Caty and I went into the bathroom for some "hot lesbian sex". Holy Shit by the time I came out of that bathroom I was so fuckin out of it I probably made a fool of myself, I was tryin to keep it together so I didnt look like an idiot. David and Crystal had left for some reason at some point in time while we were in the bathroom and so it was me and caty in one room and 2 other people in the so called "sex room". We were just chillin on the couch and I was actin all stupid. I think Red vs Blue was still on but I dont remember. Then David came back and i said something to him and he said something to me. Hell I dont remember. So most likely now I look like an idiot in all those people eyes. I feel bad. So yea somewhere along the way we ended up at Bills towing hangin out with Devin who kept freakin me out cause he is mean. Then one of Catys friends came by and gave me a ride home. Then I chilled on the couch until midnight and went to bed. WOW ISNT THAT EXCITING. Well maybe if you had been there IT WOULD be exciting!
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| do you remember the first time? |
[30 Sep 2004|05:55pm] |
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This past couple days have been kinda annoying. Iv dealt with a lot and I feel like I'm not acting like myself. I just need to get over that. I need to just chill and relax....
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| amber is the color of your energy |
[29 Sep 2004|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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music |
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New york dolls |
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So today.
Nothing exciting happend. That seems to be the way things are flowin lately, nothing exciting happens.
This weekend should be good.
Next week will be interesting. Science feild trip? whats with that? I dont want to go do experiments on the puget sounds water... I already have an analysis: I dont think its water anymore, Its all pure pollution, maybe if we drink it we will become mutants. I suggest you go try it out and tell me what happens.
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[29 Sep 2004|06:35pm] |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN BRYNN DANIELS!!
Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! happy birthday.... so many inside jokes since 8th grade I can't even remember them all anymore. Here are a few to add to the list:
"The incense looks like little birds flying towards my face."
"That sounds like a subway"
"You go get the lighter Ill watch the baby"
"za-zing zing ziiiiing"
( Sexy People with the word SEX dripping all over them! )
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| what? i dont know |
[26 Sep 2004|06:04pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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pulp-trees |
] |
Alegators in suits.
Monkies in ties.
What a crazy world we live in.
Boxes that sing.
And swings that dont move.
How could things still live?
Trees that dance.
Metal that moves.
Water that cries.
I wanna be where you are.
Far from these people we see.
From these places that make silence a noise.
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